Post by Zenks Renway on Feb 3, 2010 21:39:44 GMT
... Oh boy, what do I have to say about this... Well...
Let me just start off by saying sorry to the developers of Kazook- for many a day, I've believed your game was the absolute worst in the PSP library but now, as I type this, I come to terms with the fact that I've somehow managed to find a game that's even worse than Kazook, and I take everything back that I said about it (except the game sucking of course). The prospect of there existing a PSP game that's actually worse than Kazook probably sounds cosmic to some but unfortunately it's happened. What's even worse? Tecmo made this game! Guys, you're not good at making crap fanservice beachball games, so whatever made you people think this game would be awesome, I implore you- GIVE ME SOME, YOU JERKS!
PLOT- Some cliche substance-less jabbering about an ancient civilization leaving behind some robots that a kid who looks too retarded to even be in a Saturday Morning cartoon finds and uses to search ruins and help the lab people that he works with, as in just the 2 (I guess designing other supporting characters would've taken an eternity for Tecmo given their breast-centered minds). The lab people consist of a token communicator girl who's there just for faniservice, and Dr Canewood, the most screwed-up design of a human being I have ever seen. Seriously, he looks like the lovechild of Dr Eggman and Clockwerk! Later on some very cliche villains appear, including a short-tempered dwarf, some sort of military bugger, and the other chick intended for fanservice of this quest, but the god-awful presentation and lack of any actual ingame cutscenes to flesh out the story makes it fall flat on its face. Also, the fact that Tecmo was too lazy to even make any actual cutscenes and just resorted to DS-esque icon/text affairs goes to show how much they cared about trying to make a good game.
GAMEPLAY- You control the kid and his robots and you use the robots to help you kill enemies and beat puzzles. This wouldn't be so bad, but there's a multitude of things that are annoying when separate but together combine into one massive monolith of awfulness that pretty much kills the game:
-Painfully slow and delayed controls. The delay is very aggravating because it probably only lasts about a second whenever you do anything but when it comes got the game's fast and unpredictable bosses, it feels more like a decade.
-The kid doesn't really jump so much as do a measly little flip-hop that makes Ristar's jump look like it reaches the freaking moon. You get the ability to hover by swinging the robots around like propellers, but it's completely crap for anything because rather than just holding the action button to hover you have to mash the button and it wears on your thumb pretty quickly. Also whenever the robots touch the tiniest bit of an object right next to a platform that you're trying to get onto very carefully, you stop hovering and, depending on whether there's a pit under you or not(usually there is), fall to your death! What is this, Superman 64 all over again??
-The game's bafflingly slow pace. Nothing interesting happens and nothing at all in general happens throughout most of the game. Most of the time you're just walking extremely slowly throughout some blocky and most orange levels without much really bothering to get in your way. The game gets boring to the point that my attention span had worn almost completely thin by the end of the second level.
I didn't manage to get far in the game either and here's why- remember the bad controls I mentioned earlier? Well, they're such a problem that they make the game too hard! Couple that with the game's lack of anything fun or interesting and this resulted in me lasting just 3 levels before I could take it no more and ejected the UMD out of my handheld and tossed it in the bin. I'm actually glad I haven't finished it, it would've taken longer than freaking FF8!!!
GRAPHICS- Ugh... Uninspired character designs, just what everyone needs as a vital part of their visual gaming breakfast. The environments and character models are very unimpressive by PSP (and even PS1) standards. The game at least looks colourful but it's nothing that will save this game.
MUSIC- Oh goody! It's a complete butchery and rip-off of Loco Roco's music! How droll. While I have to admit the music is somewhat catchy, it's much more annoying than it is good. Bleh.
APPEAL- Just take it from me, NEVER play this piece of crap. It's one of the few games I've played that's genuinely made me go angry, I mean I was literally thumping my head and screaming as I was playing it. Having played other bad games without this happening, I have to say, it takes a lot of effort for a game to fully p*** me off. Mission accomplished, Tokobot, now here's your reward! *smashes the UMD with a hammer*
I'm not even sure what rating I should give this game. It's just so boring and aggravating at the same time, that I feel there isn't a rating out there in Review land that can do any justice to how this game makes you feel.
So I implore you folks to stay away from this demon-infested mudbrick of a game and let it rot for eternity.
